Believe it or not, I have exactly one week until my due date! And, oh, the anticipation of it all is killing me. The house has been cleaned several times, Baby’s clothes have been washed, sorted and folded (x12, yup twelve times), and I can’t count how many times I’ve rearranged the nursery so that it is just right. These final days I’m a ticking time bomb, literally, and the excitement itself is too much to bear!
But to be honest with you ladies, once I hit month nine, I’ve had a really hard time enjoying this miracle that’s happening inside of me, even in the midst of all the excitement. I’m uncomfortable and impatient. I’ve been having strong Braxton hicks for at least two weeks, and I’ve had almost every sign of going into labour except for losing my mucus plug. And with the knowledge that some women don’t lose their plug at all before going into labour, I’m constantly on edge wondering if this is it. I find that I’m sleeping a LOT, and when I am awake, I’m not motivated to do a whole lot. All I want is for time to pass by quicker, for this little one to finally make an appearance.
Can you other ladies with little ones, either in or out of the womb, relate?
Anyways, what I really wanted to share in this post is what God has been speaking to me lately:
You see, in the midst of all the excitement and anticipation and impatience, I haven’t been intentionally setting aside time for Him. Yes, Damien and I pray together for each other, our days, our little one, etc. at every opportunity we get, but I haven’t been purposefully setting aside quiet time to spend with God for the sake of just being with Him and deepening my relationship with Him. And it’s not that I forget to spend time with Him. The thought crosses my mind as I impatiently sit on the couch with my feet up to stop the swelling. But, as hard as it is to admit, I am just not motivated to put in the effort. Instead I turn on the TV, call my Mom, do anything that is easy and doesn’t take much effort to make time pass by quickly.
It sounds bad, especially to my own ears, but it’s the truth.
In the midst of all of this, though, He has been so gracious to me. I mean, He forgives me, pursues me, speaks to me and blesses me regardless of my heart’s attitude. I can’t be more thankful for His understanding patience and grace for me during this time.
And you know what He has been constantly whispering in my ear, especially in those quiet moments when nothing else is on my mind? He’s been sharing how important it is to place my identity in Him, and in Him alone.
He understands my excitement, my impatience, and my lack of motivation and intentions. And I honestly believe that He’s okay with it. He’s okay with me going through the emotions and experiences that come along with the last month of pregnancy. He knows my heart, and He knows that my heart isn’t to disregard Him. And He knows that I know I need to be intentional about our relationship.
He also knows that I need that little reminder that my life is not all about being a Mother. Yes, that may be a part of who I am, of who I am becoming, but it’s not where I am supposed to find and/or place my identity or my purpose in life. Because if that is where I placed my identity, where would my strength come from? It definitely wouldn’t come from the endless nights trying to soothe a crying babe. Nor would it help me to focus on my marriage so that when our kids leave home one day to start life on their own Damien and I would be even more in love than the day we wed.
I need to place my identity in Him, and in Him alone. Everything else falls underneath that, in its right place. Because if I don’t place my identity in Him, I’m no longer finding my purpose or my strength in and through Him. And if that ever happens, life will become so much harder, so much more complicated than it already is. And to me, that’s just not worth it. I would much rather have a right relationship with God so that everything else in life flows smoothly. Or at least semi-smoothly. Oh, who am I kidding. It will still be as bumpy as ever, but at least I’ll have Him arms holding me close and holding me in my seat.
I’d love to hear your thoughts, ladies, and especially how you have managed to keep your identity first and foremost in Him (although I know it takes a lot of repositioning of ones heart, day after day, moment after moment, am I right?).
Love you all!