Lately I’ve been struggling with writers block.. There are so many things that I want to write about, so many things I want to say, and yet when I cozy up with pen and paper my mind goes completely and utterly blank. Sigh. This, simply is part of a writer’s reality and I just as simply need to push through it.
On another note, this past Sunday we looked at 1 Samuel 30:6 as a church. I love this verse. It seems so short and so simple, yet it holds such meaning and depth. And the conviction! In David’s weakest and darkest moments, he sought out the Lord for strength. Do I do that? Do I really, and I mean really, strengthen myself, my everything, in the Lord?
Oh, it’s often enough that I asked the Lord to help me. During this last dark season that I went through I remember laying on my bed crying for the Lord to just bring me out of the emotional and mental despair that I was feeling. I asked Him to help me. And I know He did. I know He still is. But did I really strengthen myself in Him? Didn’t I just asked Him to simply remove all the angst, all the hurt and brokenness?
Over the period of time coming out of that dark place I still asked the Lord to help me. Yet instead of turning to Him for strength I simply tried to fill my every moment with something else to distract me, to keep my mind from falling backwards into that black hole. I read book after book, went to event after event. I did this and I did that, all in the name of attempting not to go back there, God forbid.
My conviction is this: Don’t try to strengthen yourself with things or with busy-ness, but strengthen yourself in the Lord.
But.. What does that mean? How do I strengthen myself in Him? How do I live this beautifully broken life with Him as my cornerstone, my strength, my refuge, my hope?
Prayer. Reading His word. Living life in such a way that He says “Well done, good and faithful servant” at the end. Stepping up and into what He has called me to, created me for. Does that mean it will be easy? No. Not in the least!
Damien and I went skating on the Rideau Canal this past week. It had been years since I’d been on skates, and it showed as I gripped Damien’s arm for dear life. I’ll even admit, there was a point when I just stood straight and let him pull me around!
I was afraid to fall. I was afraid of making a fool of myself in front of the hundreds of other great skaters. And so I clung to him, my wonderful, gracious husband. But he didn’t let me cling on to him forever. He made sure that I took some strides on my own, wobbly as I was. And isn’t that so much like God? He dances with us, teaches us to sway to His beating heart, but at some point He lets go so that we can carry on on our own. He wants us to grow, to be strengthened so that we can dance beautifully on our own for the world to see.
Maybe take a moment today to thank God for the trials that are going on in your life. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, He’s using it to stretch you, to mature you. Just make sure you keep your eyes on Him, strengthening yourself in Him and you’ll be alright. I can promise that.