Welcome to The Tearoom! This week we have the honor of hearing from Sarah, an amazing mama and fellow writer who has a heart to trust God with everything she has and is. Make sure to check our her blog, Beautifully You. Thanks for sharing, Sarah!
There was no mention of God in the words I read, yet that is where my heart took me. The book was “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” by Elizabeth Gilbert in which she discusses our relationship with the creative powers, and He is the source of all creation, so it makes sense I would make the connection. My experience sparked an ongoing conversation between myself and God about my trust in Him. It inspired me to ask questions I’ve never bothered asking. Compelled me to shed my complacency.
The chapter in question defines two types of trust. (For the purposes of context I’m going to reword them a bit.) Innocent (or naive) trust which is essentially believing that by doing what God asks you will get the outcome you desire. Fierce trust “…knows that the outcome does not matter. The outcome cannot matter.” Instead it is the doing that matters.
Those words went straight to my soul. So I have been asking myself, “Which kind of trust do I offer my Father?” To be honest my trust is often conditional and when those conditions aren’t met, which is often, I feel as though He has let me down. That’s hardly fair of course. Nor does it do me any good.
If my focus is less on the outcome and more on the doing then there isn’t as much room for disappointment. Instead there is more room for growth and becoming.
After all, He sees the end from the beginning. I do not. My vision is limited. I like to be comfortable. When faced with struggle I complain and sometimes rage. The pain of life’s trials can feel intolerable. Only He sees how much I can grow in that struggle. That I need it so that layer by layer my true self can be exposed and shine forth. So that who I am in Him becomes who I am.
He sees that I need to expand my comfort zone. To become “comfortable” with struggle and pain. To make room for them in my heart so that they may become more than they are. Turned into love. Turned into strength. Turned into compassion, resilience, faith. Changed through His love and grace.
And that is why I need to trust Him. But how do I develop the kind of trust that takes my focus away from the outcome? That diminishes my need to understand why?
It’s actually quite simple. I need to know Him.
Personally. Not only in theory. Intimately. Not only as my God, but as the Father of my soul.
So I look for Him in my everyday. When I read scripture and other inspired words. In the faces of the people I love. In the kindness of strangers. I see Him in the love of my husband and the adoration of my children. I see how He watches over them. In the tender moments when I am present with my boys and see them – I find Him.
He is in the simple beauty of nature in my own backyard. The many tender mercies I experience every single day.
I find him in myself. In the overwhelming love that floods my very being when I open myself to it. Love that comes from the source of all Perfect Love.
And there in the heartbreak of suffering, in the storms that threaten to destroy me, but don’t, He is holding me up. Holding me together. Holding me safe.
I reach for Him in my need and in moments of peace. When I am filled with torrents of emotion and when I am still. I reach for Him to know He is there. He is. Always. He is present in the pain as well as the joy.
Letting go and letting God. As my mother often says.
When the darkness inside of me rises, I’m learning to turn to Him. To give it to Him so that He may turn it into light. To trust is to let go. Let go of my pain, my anger, my fear, my sorrow. Let Him take it from me. Trusting Him to help me carry my burdens. Trusting it to His love.
I need to trust myself to His care. As a woman and as a mother. Sometimes I struggle with believing that I am the right mom for my boys. I feel that I fall short so often. That I’m failing them. I am learning to trust that I am enough in Him and with Him. He trusted them to me and it is in me to live up to that trust. And when I have done all that I can, I in turn trust them to Him.
Trusting means doing.
Which is simply, though not always easily, being obedient to His commandments. Not blind obedience, but trusting obedience. Knowing He is leading me, leading all of us, to something greater than we can imagine. To becoming more than we are now.
I heard this statement recently and my mind and heart went still as I listened to it’s truth.
“Maybe obedience is not so much the process of bending, twisting, and pounding our souls into something we are not. Instead, it is the process by which we discover what we truly are made of.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)
The process will likely be uncomfortable at best and excruciating at worst, but oh so worth it.
My trust in God may not feel fierce most of the time.
It doesn’t need to. Not to start anyhow. What’s most important is that I give what trust I do have, however weak or conditional it may seem to be. He will make it more. As I use it, it will grow into something strong, wise, beautiful, and fierce. I’m a work in progress and that’s okay.
By letting go of the outcome now, I can be even more sure of the ultimate outcome. The outcome of His love.
And So To You.
I invite you to ponder the following questions for yourself. And be willing to be uncomfortable. I promise it’s worth it.
I wish you peace in His love as you face the storms of your lives. God bless you.
Sarah Bachelder feels she currently has three main callings in life: being a wife, the mother of two (soon to be three) boys, and writing. The challenge has been finding the time to write while being the best Mom and wife she can. Life has brought many struggles her way, but God has been a constant through it all. She is currently working on developing a project entitled “The Daily Thrive” which will focus on creating inner fulfillment through small, everyday actions. You can read more of her work at www.sarahbachelder.com.