One delightful annoyance that I have been finding with this pregnancy is that it isn’t unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to fall back asleep. Sometimes I simply have to use the washroom and the light of the bathroom wakes me. At others I awake because Baby is tossing and turning inside of me. And of course I must not forget to mention the ever aching hips that make it impossible to find a comfortable position to sleep in no matter the amount of pillows propping me up.
I call this a delightful annoyance because, even though it is terribly annoying to not be able to fall asleep even when your body (and mind) is exhausted, these are moments where I’m able to spend some time pondering the meaning of life and praying for this little one growing strong as he dances in my womb. There are nights where I lay in bed with tears tricking down the sides of my face as I pray into his God-given identity. There are nights where I beam at the thought of little toddler feed padding up and down the hallway. And there are nights when I pray fervently for Baby’s future, who his friends will be, that can-be-nasty transition from child to adult, his spouse.
A delightful annoyance indeed.
Last night was one of those nights. I awoke at the wee hour of 4:30am. I tossed and turned, stumbled to the bathroom, propped myself up with pillows, I spent time in prayer, and I even spent as long as I could cuddled up next to my husband before I became to hot to bear it any longer. I could not fall asleep for the life of me. No matter how exhausted my body was, my mind was running 100 miles an hour.
Eventually I got up, turned on a few soft lamps, and made myself a steaming cup of tea. I sat down in my favourite chair and opened my bible to the Psalms.
Psalm 131 was where I spent this morning. There’s nothing particularly special about this Psalm. It’s only a short three verses where David tells the Lord that he has not been proud or haughty, but instead that he has calmed and quieted his soul like a child is calmed and quieted in it’s mother’s arms. Then he tells Israel to hope in the Lord, “from this time forth and forevermore.” In fact, I can honestly say I may have never read this Psalm before this morning, and if I have, I probably skimmed it and thought “Oh yeah..” But this morning, for a reason not unbeknown to me, it stuck out like a sore thumb.
You see, I feel like the past two months have been a time of just that, of closing my eyes and quieting my soul. I’ve always been a busy-body, always needing something to do. I’ve never been particularly good at resting, because I would get bored. And I hated being bored. But over the course of these last two months of staying home and not having a job, I have been learning how to simply be. I’ve been learning to rest and to find joy in the midst of the quiet and boredom. Instead of having to constantly be doing things, rushing from one thing to the next in search of fulfillment, I can slowly go about my days, having an attitude of rest even when things do get busy.
I feel like this is a God-given time to learn how to rest, because once Baby arrives I need to be content with being slow, with being quiet and restful. I think that because of this time I have had to learn how to rest and quiet my soul, the adjustment of staying at home to take care of and raise Baby will be much easier, and that much more of a blessing.
Does that make sense?
Regardless, I want to challenge you to calm and quiet your soul. Learn how to be bored. Learn to live slowly, to find rest in the quiet so that you can find rest in the noise.
Have a good weekend (an especially good weekend seeing all those cute little trick-or-treaters)!