For the last six months or so, Damien and I have been in the training process to become foster parents. If you’re like most people, at hearing that we have become foster parents you would put on a smile out of politeness and say something along the lines of wow, that’s so good and brave of you! all the while wondering why in the world we would purposefully do something that will bring so much heartache and require so much work.
Don’t worry, I’m not judging you. Because if I’m honest with you, and myself, I’ve been thinking the exact same thing.
Why would I give up my somewhat comfortable, secure, and predictable life for a life filled with uncertainty, messiness, and chaos? Why would I choose this life of complete selflessness, knowing that my heart will undoubtedly be broken into a tiny million pieces and that I might not get anything in return?
The answer I keep being directed back to is this: Because, Jesus.
It’s been a hard and arduous journey, having every aspect of our lives examined and tested, having every skeleton from our past hurts and mistakes dug up. That said, however, it has been good in the sense that we have been able to revisit some things and bring about further healing in areas that were still raw and sore.
Isn’t it true that true beauty only comes from ashes, that true joy only comes out of brokenness?
A week ago we officially became an approved foster home. And only a few short days later we already had our first placement lined up.
We were so excited. Nervous and scared, yes. But so very excited. And as with most things in this life, it only took a few days for the dream-like excitement to flounder, for the reality and weight of what we have taken on to settle deep into our hearts.
Don’t get me wrong, throughout this whole process Damien and I have had a very realistic view of what we were getting into. We expect hardship, suffering, heartache and too many tears to count. But nothing can fully prepare you for the journey ahead until you have walked through it yourself.
Without a doubt in our minds, we know that this is the path we are to take. God has very clearly made a way for us, has undoubtedly been guiding us in this direction. And I must say that it hasn’t been against our will. We purposefully and intentionally asked Him to guide us into the deep, to where our feet could no longer touch bottom, so that we could and would rely totally on Him for everything, so that we could best represent Him to this broken and weary world.
And as per our request, He has done just that. The training process has been this journey to the deep end, yet it was the moment we brought a little one into our home and hearts that our toes could no longer touch bottom. And that’s a scary thing, because it feels like there’s nothing secure we can hold on to if we start to flounder and flail. But a feeling is just that, a feeling. It is something birthed out of our perception, and not necessarily based on the truth of the situation.
So this journey of fostering is one where we have no idea what it will look like, or where it will take us. We do know that it will be worth every second of hardship, every heartache, every tear.
It will be good, because He is good.